Anyone who reads the above, and who has traveled for business in recent memory, is in on the joke there.
"Business travel" isn't something that I frequently have to do in my line of work, which realistically is a good thing. Every time I do have to travel, though, many things that I occasionally assume to be true are usually confirmed for me. A sampling:
- Business travelers do not often eat well. We tend to use it as an excuse to eat poorly - the old "I'll eat what I want because no one is here to tell me otherwise" kicks into effect. This is all fun on Night 1, but by the time Day 5 rolls around, you're at the salad bar not wanting to see red meat again for a very long time.
- I am very, very thankful to live somewhere that isn't cold. If asked to pick between the two temperature extremes (ball-shrinking cold versus oppressive heat), then pass the extra deodorant and keep your damn earmuffs.
- The airline industry, with precious few exceptions, is run by a bunch of poop-slinging monkeys. Notably, poop-slinging monkeys are rarely known for their mastery of logistics or their "people skills." Example: when being sent back and forth between gates at Hartsfield (to find my flight home), I was told to not talk about a Delta gatekeeper's mama.
- Side note on the previous: remember when everyone in the South would only fly Delta? Delta is now officially a "shit airline" in my book. Merging with Northwest? Now that's a match made in hell if there ever was one. Moving along...
- Canadians talk funny. Well, most Canadians. When they break out with the "yous" and the talk about how treacherous the weather is... it's a good thing they make tasty beer there.
- It is always good to be home.
Meanwhile, I now find myself equipped with a work laptop. In principle this is some sort of promotion, but the reality is now that I have an electronic VPN tether that connects me to work wherever there's a wireless network available. FYI it's a year-old Dell with a battery issue and a bad attitude.
In better news, Mobile continues to impress me in terms of the eclectic nature of living here. Yesterday entailed the following:
- Cold pizza for breakfast. (Please ignore my previous statement about salad bars.)
- Float barn party. (I'll explain later.)
- Shrimp and oyster lunch.
- Coffee at independent coffee shop.
- Pre-symphony party at martini bar; club soda with lime, thank-you-very-much. (Float barn party = lots of beer; 'tis a marathon, not a sprint.)
- Symphony. Very good European pianist, complete with floppy hair.
- Darts at bar down the street. Laugh at 22-year-old guys with SEC haircuts getting hit on by women old enough to be their moms. Discover wife's God-given ability to whip ass at 501. Who knew?
- Chez Waffle, midnight.
Glorious. It is good to be home.
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1 comments:
SEC haircuts = the famous Bama Bangs? I wanted to put some of our less reputable relations out of my misery when I saw how many had them.
Having just flown home tonight, I can say with certainty that if I ever commit a murder, it will have something to do with air travel. Unless your name rhymes with A Rock Yo Mama, there is no need to be twiddling on your Blackberry DURING TAKEOFF. And I don't mean while they're stooging around on the ground, I mean WHILE THE BIRD IS NOSING UP.
I am old enough to remember when Delta was the only game in town if you wanted to fly out of the Heart of Dixie. However, Southwest (aka Air Greyhound aka Air Casserole) seems to have taken the crown now. I have almost come to the conclusion that if I can't fly there Int'l Business class, I don't need to fly.
Here is why you need to move here: I am working on a jug of PIE BEER, which is like liquid sweet potato pie that has booze in it, which was brewed IN 2009 and is fresher than an Auburn co-ed with a six-pack of Beast in her. I filled this half-gallon jug with this fine elixir for $5. You couldn't get that kind of price on a moonshine stump in Cullman County.
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